As I sit here writing I am content in this moment- Sylvan Esso's new album What Now? is playing, (you must check it out!) candles burning, and my precious kitty naps as I sip on lemon La Croix. Its nice. Times like these I am grateful for simplicity. I feel like I deserve this peaceful moment considering how busy life has been the past three weeks! I finally have some time to reflect and process. I realized I have been struggling with trying to figure out what next? What now?
May is finally here and I couldn't be more grateful! I love May. Tulips are blooming all over Spokane along with cherry blossom trees. The sun is making more regular appearances, which completely overfills my soul. As happy as I am that spring is in full swing, I have been in a period filled with worrying, waiting and wishing. Work has been stressful and overwhelming the past few weeks. Feelings of doubt and inadequacy regularly creep in. I haven't had a chance to sit down and write with all the craziness lately. In the past three weeks I totaled my car (boo!) and had to go through the process of finding an affordable lease deal (thanks to Nick and my Dad- what would I do without them!?). Incidents like that make me really aware of how not prepared I am for this whole adult thing, lol. Then I had to deal with some pretty dramatic work situations that my college ed classes could not have prepared me for... to say the least it was all just a bit flustering and overwhelming. Also during this time Nick was gone on a ten day trip to Kansas city for a disc golf tournament, so naturally, I am over-analyzing my entire life and missing him like crazy!
I couldn't help but envy Nick...he is such a rare breed of human (sounds funny haha, but if you know him you know how true that is!). He just goes for what he wants in life. He is confident and takes risks. He knows he sounds ridiculous to a lot of people when he shares how his goal is to become a professional disc golf player, but that doesn't stop him. He doesn't care! If anything it just gives him all the more drive to prove the doubters wrong. I believe in him and know he will go pro. Aside from the fact that he is actually talented, he is disciplined and determined. He is such an inspiration to me... I am lucky to have someone who encourages me to take steps back, realize what's really important & lasting in life (love, family & Jesus!) and then to simply chase after what I want in life with confidence.
Because of my sweet Nick, my mindset is shifting. I am giving up my work life to God for this next year. I have been filled with worry and anxiety over what it will all look like. Instead I am focused on praying and asking Jesus to let His will be done. If you know me, prayers in this area would be much appreciated :). So, no I don't know exactly what my teaching life will look like next year, but there are some things I do know I want to explore and chase after without fear: this website is one them. This blog is just such a happy place for me. I love having a creative outlet to constantly work on and improve. I am excited to pour more intentional time and energy into this space and see where it leads me as well as what wonderful people I could meet! Also, I am SO excited to begin embarking on a new wellness journey. I finally pulled the trigger and ordered my Young Living starter kit of essential oils! You should have seen me after I ordered- straight up giddy and dancing around my apartment. This will be a huge part of my journey along with exploring mindfulness and holistic health.
So cheers to being uncomfortable, nervous and scared of the unknown because in the midst of all that I know Jesus is right there with me and for me. Psalm 118:6 says, "The Lord is for me; I will not fear; what can man do to me?". It is OK I don't have it all planned out. Might as well enjoy the flowers and trust the process.
Well, thanks for stopping by as always. I hope your May has started off with lots of blooming flowers and positivity! What are you looking forward to as you enter this Spring season?