The air is crisp and fresh with the faint smell of rain. Fall flowers are in full bloom. The leaves are beginning to turn yellow and orange, soon we’ll see red. My mama has put up little pumpkins and other fall decorations in the house, and the fireplace has finally been turned on. Things are feeling c o z y. We’ve definitely got some Hygge vibes happening over here! Fall / Autumn (is there a difference? I’m not sure…) is my favorite season. So many people hate when summer comes to an end but I look forward to it because September is just the best! I loveeeee seasonal changes.
I’m 8 months pregnant and entering the last phase of this season of pregnancy. Just like the weather has subtly shifted here in the Harbor, so have I over the past eight months.
To ebb and flow… a recurrent or rhythmical pattern of coming and going or decline and regrowth.
It feels like we are all constantly in the midst of a state of ebb and flow. We’re apart of a big body of water with long days or nights you don’t want to come to an end. To ebb and flow like drops in the ocean. Some seasons of life feel like a calm and peaceful river, while others can feel like a freakin’ typhoon with stress or worries or just straight crap coming at you seemingly non stop with no time to catch a breath.
As I begin to look back on the past eight months and think about where I started (including the first seven weeks I didn’t know I was pregnant) I was definitely in a state of decline. Working and creating that damn yearbook at my previous teaching job took so much of my time and ultimately, took so much out of me as a whole. I look back and feel sorry for myself because I was constantly stressed, ate like crap, didn’t sleep well, had no real routine, irritated and snappy, and was just barely surviving. That’s no way to be !! I physically felt like I was drowning. The waves were rough and I barely had my head above water most days. I remember last November wishing it was June but feeling like it was impossible for time to progress enough for me to get there. Now June has come and gone and that damn yearbook somehow got finished looking pretty nice, I had the wedding of my dreams, and now THIS November I couldn’t be more excited for what’s to come!
I saw that tiny light at the end of the tunnel but man, that was a loooong season. More recently, my life has transitioned into a new season of regrowth. Time to ebb and flow. New waters have rolled in and it’s time to grow just like the sweet baby girl growing and developing inside my tummy.
Over the past eight months there has been so much change in my circumstances and in my heart. I’ve witnessed my body go through pretty incredible changes- some beautiful and some just hurt. I used to not sleep because of stress and now I don’t sleep because our baby is kicking me haha. I would rather have her kicks any day though! In the past eight months I would say I’ve grown in my ability to be honest, to be more intentional with the people in my life and spending time with Jesus. It’s great to be able to look back and actually recognize some positive growth in my personal development.
I was just saying to Nick last week how grateful I am for the NO STRESS I have in my life right now. I mean yes, the idea of birthing a freakin’ baby is quite stressful but let’s not go there haha. I just try to remind myself I am a WOMAN who was MADE TO DO THIS. SO LET’S DO THIS! That’s my little pep talk.
But really… since July my day to day has blissfully slowed down. I’m getting a lot of joy from all the books I’ve finally had time to read. I’m all about Danish lifestyle and parenting books right now. Also, no shame, but I love inspiring self-help books. I’ve got like 8 books checked out from the library right now so that’s probably the biggest stress in my life- finishing them all before they’re due! Lol.
I am beyond grateful for the tides shifting and the currently calm waters. I feel at peace with the direction of life as I’m about to turn 25 this weekend. It’s easy to say now, but I do believe it’s so important to go through and ride out the waves that are hard. To go through the shit, hit your bottom, or feel like you are drowning… in some odd and divine way, purpose and growth can be found. God can always turn brokenness into beauty. Seasons comes to an end. Change inevitably flows it’s way to the surface.
Those are the thoughts for this Friday I suppose. Thanks for reading friends! xo